Quotes & One-Liners: Home
Proverbs according to Brian and various one-liners-
This is a collection of proverbs and one-liners from various sources that I really like.
|
It is better to be lucky than good. Stupidity got us into this situation, now why can't it get us out. A day late and a dollar short. If you're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Save the trees, eat a beaver. Save the rocks build with wood. I don't drive fast, I fly low. There're two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. Never miss a good chance to shut up. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from? Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade! Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow. Always try to be modest and be proud of it! If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand... If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. |
Close is only good in horseshoes and hand grenades. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Gullible is misspelled in the dictionary. Save the whales. Collect the whole set A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Remember half the people you know are below average. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I intend to live forever - so far so good. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
|
Quotes -
This is a collection of quotes from movies, books, plays, tv, and anything else that I use in everyday language. It has everything from Shakespeare to Star Trek.
|
|